Pain in the BDSM sense is many things to me. As a bottom it was connected to challenging my body and mind as well as a turn on. I would cum from canes, single tails and nipple torture. It was also an amazing way to escape from my everyday life. It centred my body and mind. I do miss it.
Sex after or during a play session is usually awesome giving and receiving but for me it has to be with the right people. And 'the right people' seems to be getting more complex as I go along.
As a dominant giving pain also has many levels. I can do it as an educational thing for demos or for assisting people to understand with new stuff on their journey. My reward is the sense of passing it on to others, spreading the love that is BDSM.
Then there is my sadistical pleasure. As a few of you know given a willing and strong mind and healthy body mixed with a good rapport I would go to huge lengths of fun/horror in my sadism. There does not need to be sexual elements in it for me to be chuckling manically or getting a huge rush mentally and often sexually.
There is also playing with someone I am attracted to. I do not need to play particularly hard with them to get my rush, but the more intense the play the more I enjoy it.
I am currently looking for someone to do cbt with. I do not want to be sexually attracted to them. I want to do nasty and often funny things with their equipment. They need to enjoy this and not expect any form of sexual release in my presence. I want them to enjoy the cbt as a masochist with a sense of humour and challenge. They are most welcome to carry the experience away and do what they like with it afterwards. So that is another level. But because it will involve needles and electricity I have no takers yet.
I love it when two minds meet on the same S/m wavelength. I have only experienced this with three people on the giving end and one on the receiving end. We just link mind and body in glorious pain and it 'just works'. No point in unpacking it - just do it. It is like a game of how far we can go, a challenge of endurance and ecstasy.
I love taking people to their limit of endurance, pushing them further than they ever expected to go. To see them so blissful and exhausted at the end and me sailing on such a huge high myself. It gives me so much joy.
Pain is such an important part of my life - love it!