Sunday, March 31, 2013

Goodbye for now

Due to the harassment last year from Submissive Miss K. I have stopped sharing my work and experiences here. I have decided to only write in until further notice. I will rarely check the email I use for this account and I have not used Twitter for a long time. 

I’ve said it time and time again. You can be a juicy, ripe peach and there’s still going to be someone who doesn’t like peaches, so you can either submit to someone’s criticism of you, or you can get on with the business of being your own amazing self who attracts other like-minded people that appreciate you ... Nothing great comes without risk, and only the very mediocre are safe from being poked fun at. Personally, every time someone makes a snide comment, I feel I am proud to be part of the elite group of weirdos!' - Dita Von Teese

Sunday, June 24, 2012

When the burning still continues

I want to hurt you for being so bratty
I lift up your pretty dress
Pull your best panties down
Stare at your swollen cunt
Pull you over my knee
Pinch and SPANK!

I want to hurt you for being so cute
I tease that wet pussy
Wipe fingers on your buttocks
Push you on all fours
Everything exposed
Scratch and SLAP!

I want to hurt you for trying to forget
That time I consumed you
When nothing else mattered
But me overpowering you
And your lust for my pain
Bang and THUD!

I want to hurt you for being so naughty
That urge to feel young
Wanting to be dirty
Your bum raised to me
I raise my cane
Whoosh and WHACK!

I want to hurt you for your cheeky eyes
I grab your pert breasts
Dig my nasty nails in
Pull at your nipples
Bite your pretty neck
Pull and SUCK!

I want to hurt you for that juice trickling
Down your swollen cunt
I breath in your smell
I raise my crop high
Your bum quivers

I want to hurt you for consuming my mind
I flip you on your back
Face between my legs
Hair in your nose
Lips in your mouth

I want to hurt you for nearly drowning
In my acrid juices
Tears wet on your cheeks
Bottom so sore
My fingers fill you
Push, push, WHAM!

I want to hurt you because your dirty
My stiff raised hand
Whacking your button
Your juices splatter
My mouth on your nipple
Suck and BITE!

I want to hurt you because you love it
Holster on
My cock in place
Shoved in your mouth
Then sliding between labia
Push and WHAM!

I want to fill you so you don't forget
I thrust you hard
Your cunt envelopes
Your mind fills with me
You so small, me so big
Together in ECSTASY!

I want to cuddle you warm and hard
For being a good girl
For sucking my breast
As we lie together
And melt away
Time standing still

So hard to go back
To our usual selves
Our usual lives
Our usual roles
When the burning still continues ...

Sunday, June 17, 2012


In bed, wet morning
Snuggled deep
Into warm flesh
So safe and loved
And relaxed

Breakfast, coffee, laptop
Warm bed
Trees, birds, rain outside
And you beside me
Sleeping peacefully
Cuddle into my hip
Smiling, breathing
Loved and in love


Saturday, June 16, 2012

She is there in front of me ...

She is there in front of me
Her back faces me
Arms over the spanking horse limp
Legs trying to part
But cautiously closing
Her feet placed firmly
The foundation that will keep her grounded
In what is to come
Her body trying so very hard to relax
And prepare
For what is about to come

I drag my nails along her soft back
From neck to buttock
Down the legs and up
In between
Around the buttocks
Her energy opens and flows
Up to me

A harsh spank awakens her from the spell
We are not here just for sensation
My pretty
The excitement and fear
Fills my nostrils
And enters my mouth
For me to taste
And breath in deep
A primeval channel is opened

The music changes
I am away
The music bounces me along
In this dance of light, love and pain
Spanking, pounding, patting, stroking, cropping
So intoxicating
Yet I am in tune with every breath and movement
From her

My movements are enchanted by our rhythms and the music
And the infliction of glorious pain
Watching her flinch at that one
Easing her back down with this one
Bringing her back up with that one
Let her spin and drift with this one
Only to be drawn back out with that one
Waves of pain and love and sexuality
And that deep deep feeling that is indescribable
But only those in the dance of pain know
So well
Yet can never quite put their finger on it
Long enough
To speak those unspoken words

Then we arrive at the cane
The true love of my life
Cane never lets me down
It's beauty intoxicates me
Mesmerises me
And fills me
In these moments
The universe and I are one

I dance with five canes and the bodies I find
These moments
Are my happiest
These moments
A savage power fulfills me
It flows through me
Thrilling me
Repelenishing me
Loving me
And her

How many will she take
Which ones will she like the most
How far can we go
In this dance of pain and love and light?

I caress her with the cane
Massage her
Let it bounce on her beautifully rounded buttocks
I tap her on her back
When she is sinking into it
I give her a whack
Remember my pretty
This is about pain
As well as sensation
Good girl, you are doing well

It comes in waves up and down
Soft and hard
As I weave my cane spell
Her bottom sinks in
Her legs quiver
Her hands grasp
They then collapse
As she goes through that barrier
To that special place
I ease the strokes and remind her
To bring that bottom back out
For me
To hit it again and again

We dance the cane dance
Time stands still
The room blurs
Yet part of me knows where we are
By where we are in the music
And part of me is forever watching her
And me

Five canes are used
I slide back and forth
Between them
Stamina is needed
For her to take the wangees
And so we revisit the school cane
I slide from pure evil animal
To seductress in pain and sensation

And the disciplinary cane bounces
Loud and proud as it struts
Along her body
It is so long I can observe her pretty face
Such beauty in her hard work
Taking it and loving it and hating it

There are moments when her sexy body is frozen
She has gone from here to the other world
Then she comes back with such beautiful fear and pain
And even tears
She will never be the same
She has visited that world I once knew

I lighten the whacks and build the intensity
This is it
I have taken control of her body
It builds and builds and she cannot control it
Just be
Little one - just be
She allows it to sweep over her
She comes in wonder and ecstasy
All through it the glorious pain leaching into every pour
It rolls off her and up her body in to mine
It hits me so hard and washes over me
Flowing into my clit
And drawing at my face
We both quiver and shake
And smile

We collapse in smiles and giggles and hugs
I re position her
My hands and nails flow over her body
I soothe her and remind her
Of the painful bits
Of our play
Nails stroke her
She smiles
Nails dig into her
She gasps
Hands massage her
She purrs
Hands stoke her
She floats
Mouth kisses her relaxed body
Then I sink my teeth in biting her hard
Sucking her life force
She is frozen in pain and pleasure
I then drop her down
To float and dream
As I stroke her
Before I bring her back to
The here and now

Thank you

Sunday, June 10, 2012

Genital Torture and Me

I was recently inspired by a collection of CBT photos in fetlife. One in particular was a guy in latex chaps with his penis bound in front of him with a humbler to propel it up and the head was a globe of needles. It looked spectacular. Like something you would see in an art gallery. I find work like that very inspirational. To take some body parts that are usually seen as something else and turn them into a work of art really gives me a thrill. It is doubly so if it involves that person going through a process of pain. Having them submit their body in a session (especially a vulnerable part), watching them process that pain, feeling their energy as they do this and all the time I am playing with a tender part of their anatomy changing it into some thing humourous, artistic, horrifying, sweet, beautiful, pretty - whatever takes my fancy at the time.

Before it was cock and balls, now I have ventured out into labia, urethra, vagina. Any worry about projection I once had was processed in the first session. My dominant/sadist side came through and I did not think about this being done to me, but fully focused on what needed to be done - implements and body parts, as well as soothing and reassuring the brave receptor of the pain.

I really miss cock and ball torture. Finding a regular suitable play partner seems impossible presently. Not only do I love the sensations and thoughts as above, but I also love taking the great phallic symbol that has been worshiped as the be all and end all of huMANity and reducing it to something else. It is not a hatred of man, but a subversion of patriarchy. It is done with humour and love. Not maliciousness and hatred. I am sure some people miss this point.

I do not hate men, I love many of them and are meh about a lot of them. Some annoy the fuck out of me, but I do not hate them. I just think society has taken them way too seriously and put major expectations on them for far too long. Taking the phallic symbol and subverting it is a work of art in itself and one I wish to share with the world, but a lot of the world just projects themselves or those they care about in to the picture and does not get it at all.

People are so hung up over genitals and so hung up over blood. Blood is beautiful, and ancient, and sexy, our life essence therefore it is sacred and needs to be expressed not always contained in the vessels we call bodies. Genitals are subjective and are at the mercy of the situation they are placed in. This paragraph will be explored further later.

When I used to do CBT on trev all of the above was happening, but also love was there between us. I not only admired him for always taking on the challenge and turning it into pleasure, but I loved inflicting the pain and seeing him take it with love and grace and moving it into something he could enjoy - such a clever masochist. I would love to reward him afterwards with my body for him to pleasure and for me to pleasure his. His greatest reward was to see me delighted in what I was doing to him and then seeing me blissed out at what he was doing to me. I know that all helped him to take the challenge and I know that is why it is so hard to find a play partner now.

Now I love someone who does not have the pleasure response to cbt, therefore my cbt work is about respect and care for the one going through the pain and the pure sadistic pleasure of doing it, married with the fun or creating something new with the traditional cock and balls. These new play partners are not rewarded with my body and therefore it is harder to find one that fits with me. Their reward needs to be moving much further in their own personal journey of pleasure, endurance and pain. They need to enjoy it in some way. My love comes to them as a fellow human being helping them and enjoying them, but not as something sexual.

Do I ever think about the men that have raped me when I do cbt? No I really don't.

When I am doing my sadistic work on any part of the body I am thinking of that person and what is happening between us not my past. I do not play with people I do not feel good with. That is a risk I am not prepared to take and not something I can enjoy. I am not a bitch domme I am a nurturer. Even when I push people to go places they do not think they can go it is as a nurturer as well as a sadist. I don't do things to people that I think will hurt them emotionally or psychologically. That goes against my beliefs. If others wish to do that then so be it, but it is not for me.

CBT for me is about artistry, humour, endurance, energy, subversion, golden moments and love.

Sunday, June 3, 2012

How do you start?

Below is a reply to someone that was frustrated with not being able to start on his dominant journey because no sub that he approached was willing to give him a go, because he did not have the experience. He had no profile. There were two replies before mine.

They need to know some things about you before being interested. Therefore a well written profile is a must. You may want to change your name as well. It sounds more like a pushy sub's name, than a dominant [Cunt Connoisseur] . There is nothing wrong with a dominant who enjoys pussy and lots of it, but to base first impressions on this they may think you are just after sex. 

In my experience starting at the bottom and moving to the top makes the best dominant, or at least trying it out a few times to understand the D/s dynamic and what it is like to receive and process pain. You can understand your prospective subs a lot better that way. If you have brought up children then you already have experience of guiding people in life.

People are more likely to give a new dominant a go if they know them. That means getting yourself out there. Munches, parties, events and contributing to discussions in here. Find groups that interest you and ones that are local to your area as well. This is a time to learn as much as you can so that it comes out in conversations and messages. Do not pretend to know it through experience, but someone who does their homework leaves a good impression for a sub to take a chance.

I always recommend the real stuff not online, that is munches and events seeing someone's body language and how they act and talk if so much easier and safer than spending a long time online only to find that it is a bad match. Seeing that guy from the munch at events and then finally chatting with him and realizing you feel comfortable with him is a much more secure way for a sub to give him a go.

Remember that it is unlikely that one of your first playmates will be 'the one', so do not be too picky. Some one that is clean, friendly and is not going to blurt out your life story to the world is enough for some experimental work. A sub who is experienced and willing to assist you to learn is even better.

I am well known for being a good S/m dominant in my area. I started as a switch, then a sub and then back to a switch before progressing to a dominant. I was active in the local scenes as well as local yahoo and then fetlife groups. I joined a committee for local group that held workshops and events that gave me knowledge and credence in the community. People know who I am and know I have too much to loose by being unsafe or scary. They are therefore willing to play with me.

My playing experience has come from being a sub who could take a lot of pain, who experienced a lot on the bottom, and who experienced a lot of casual play as well as some long term bonding. I know pain inside and out and I know what it is like to be sub as well as a play bottom. I was blessed to have learned how to dominate with a sub who had 20 years experience under his belt. He was not pretty, he was a lot older than me and it was meant to be a play only relationship. That developed into a very intense loving S/m relationship. He has since passed over, but I have him to thank for being the strong, confident, experienced dominant that is writing to you now.

Good luck on your journey.

WW ;-)

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Age: Judgement, relationships, and BDSM

Written in response to a thread asking about judging people by their age and how age affects relationships.


My sub is 23 and I am 48. A few years back I would not have conceived having a partner that young, but there you are circumstances led us together and it has worked incredibly well. Because he is not much older than my children I can relate to him reasonably well. I am very in touch with his generation through my children. My kids and I had a close relationship when we lived together. I was the cool Mum that their friends talked easily to and I helped them with problems that their parents would not handle well. We had the fun parties where there were no dramas, etc. My sub is much more mature than my kids. I think that comes from gaming and chatting with people of many ages on the internet for years before he met me and stepped back into the real world. He can talk well with people of all ages. The only time I feel old with his generation is when people talk gaming, because my idea of games is frogger, cards and monopoly!

I was sub to a man 26 years my senior and that worked well for a time. There was a big difference in perspectives, but the age difference worked for our dynamic. It was something else that destroyed the relationship. I had a sub 15 years older than me and that worked really well. He was young at heart, but lucky for me, as a new dominant at the time, very experienced in BDSM. The difference in age rarely was a problem.

One of my regular playmates is the same age as my daughter. But she is much more mature than her. I have decided to draw the line at the age. Again I would have thought too young, but I took her under my wing when she was a newbie, because I thought it better to play with someone who would look after her. She has played with lots of people, but has come back to playing mainly with my sub and I. We do not have a sexual relationship though.

Another regular playmate is in his 50s and I used to play with his Master also in his 50s. They both do not seem older than me.

Age in general:

Age is more than a number. It is an interesting characteristic about a person. You are a product of your generation whether you like it or not. You share some experiences with people your own age bracket, even if you are mostly very different to them. I notice each generation has certain characteristics, but other than that it is no barrier.

I think in the BDSM community age is far less of a barrier than in most communities. We all share something in common that we only get to talk about with each other. That is what binds us. Because it is of such a personal and often hidden part of our identity it breaks down many barriers - not just age. Barriers such as class, ethnicity, spiritual beliefs, sexual orientations, family cultures, career structures are put aside so that we can mingle and play and 'just be' without the outside world interfering.

However, for myself I do not comment much on fet photos younger than my sub. If I do it is more encouraging and admiring than of a sexual nature. I do not want to be too much of a dirty old lady - if it is not ok for men then I have to go by my principles and be the same. When it comes to playing with people, age rarely comes into it if they are older than my children. I expect as my children get older that will change, but generally I prefer playmates to be 21 and over. I have played with men in their 70s. As long as their health is ok and I click with them there is not a problem.

I was a stoner in my past and that too was a common ground that brought people together from all ages. Therefore I have always mixed with a variety of ages. As far as judging people by their age. I like to get to know them to figure out their maturity. I think most people would pass some judgement when they see a person before they get to know them, for example renting a property when you are in your teens you do have to make an effort to show that you are mature enough to be a good tenant.  It is much easier for me to rent places now than when I was younger. I am often judged in the vanilla world as being too old to hang out with young people and in general not eye candy to men of any generation, whereas in the BDSM world we are a bit more cerebral than that. They have no idea what I do with young people! I particularly noticed it when I went to erotica/sexpo.

When I am working with young people I notice that they respect me more than my younger co-workers, so that is an advantage. I presume it is the Mum thing. It is funny because I am the one with the unusual haircuts, piercings and musical tastes compared to my conservative young co-workers.

So age is more than a number, it is an interesting characteristic. I consider it less of a barrier in the BDSM world than the vanilla world and for me we are all just people with a variety of interesting characteristics, age being just one of them. I am very happy with my young sub  :-)