I have been fortunate in being able to play with some lovely and interesting people over the past 10 years. From one off plays to five glorious years – they have all have brought something to the relationship and take something away. Each interaction is different bringing variety to each other’s lives.

Admittedly there was one relationship that had devastating effects on me and my kids, but even that relationship had its good points and the most to learn from. I not only learnt from the negative experience but also because I was a fairly new sub therefore this was my path into learning about my relationship with pain. For the later I will say he did a great job.

Although playing with new people can be refreshing and a new challenge, I feel much better when I have got to know someone through play. Some relationships are brief, for example play party ones. There are one off plays where you see someone and chat and then ask if they wish to play, but after that one play we are back to the social only. However, I prefer it when I see someone I have played with before, and ask if they are interested in another play and they say yes! This way I have some idea of how their energy works, their body language, their noises, their reactions and their pain tolerance. This can vary each time of course, especially their tolerance, but if I have played with them already I have some idea of what to expect.

For myself I would far rather have a few regular playmates than a string of new ones. I can relax more and go with the flow of each play. With domming there is always so much to concentrate on even though you may be relaxed and having fun. So if you know your playmate well instinct kicks in and it becomes more pleasurable as you relax into a familiar flow; and you are both more likely to be open to try new things. To help someone on their S/m journey is indeed an honour and a pleasure.

Best of all is the relationship I had with trev and the one I now have with bear. To be really close with someone in life, love, play and sex suits me very well. I would miss not playing with others, but as long as I have my sub then I am happy. The energy playing with someone you love is amazing and I never want to take that for granted. We would like to share our lives with another (or others), or at least have regular casuals, but if that does not eventuate we are very happy with just each other.

I recently went to a party and just played with bear. There were a number of distractions for us both and so our play was not flowing as it should. Other than being asked to scratch someone briefly I did not have the opportunity to play with others that night. I came away from the party a bit flat.

The next day, however, I thought about how lucky I have been and how grateful I need to be. Many times it has been a matter of trying to fit all the play in one night or at least playing with one other person other than my sub. I recently stopped playing with a regular play partner, but it really warms me to see her happy with her girlfriend. That is a bigger buzz for me. We both enjoyed and learned from this play relationship, then moved on. I was sad to have clicked well with one woman, but due to circumstances we could not continue. However, the brief interactions helped me to understand a new part of myself that I hopefully will be exploring again soon.

Of course loosing trev through cancer was devastating, but bear came along to ease me through this and look how much we have grown together! Our play may not have been the best that particular night, but we sure made up for it the next few times  I am indeed fortunate.

So many people come away from parties with only the chance to watch, not participate. They constantly are looking for someone special in their lives. I am very grateful for all the play partners I have had in my life and all the ones I have yet to play with. We would like to enter into a long standing play relationship with another whether that is together or we both have someone separate to dominate, but the main thing is we have each other and enjoy each other every day. We say I love you throughout the day and when that collar goes on we are reminded each time of how very special our relationship is. I honour this and I must remember how very important my sub is in life.

Love you my bear xxx