Sunday, June 3, 2012

How do you start?

Below is a reply to someone that was frustrated with not being able to start on his dominant journey because no sub that he approached was willing to give him a go, because he did not have the experience. He had no profile. There were two replies before mine.

They need to know some things about you before being interested. Therefore a well written profile is a must. You may want to change your name as well. It sounds more like a pushy sub's name, than a dominant [Cunt Connoisseur] . There is nothing wrong with a dominant who enjoys pussy and lots of it, but to base first impressions on this they may think you are just after sex. 

In my experience starting at the bottom and moving to the top makes the best dominant, or at least trying it out a few times to understand the D/s dynamic and what it is like to receive and process pain. You can understand your prospective subs a lot better that way. If you have brought up children then you already have experience of guiding people in life.

People are more likely to give a new dominant a go if they know them. That means getting yourself out there. Munches, parties, events and contributing to discussions in here. Find groups that interest you and ones that are local to your area as well. This is a time to learn as much as you can so that it comes out in conversations and messages. Do not pretend to know it through experience, but someone who does their homework leaves a good impression for a sub to take a chance.

I always recommend the real stuff not online, that is munches and events seeing someone's body language and how they act and talk if so much easier and safer than spending a long time online only to find that it is a bad match. Seeing that guy from the munch at events and then finally chatting with him and realizing you feel comfortable with him is a much more secure way for a sub to give him a go.

Remember that it is unlikely that one of your first playmates will be 'the one', so do not be too picky. Some one that is clean, friendly and is not going to blurt out your life story to the world is enough for some experimental work. A sub who is experienced and willing to assist you to learn is even better.

I am well known for being a good S/m dominant in my area. I started as a switch, then a sub and then back to a switch before progressing to a dominant. I was active in the local scenes as well as local yahoo and then fetlife groups. I joined a committee for local group that held workshops and events that gave me knowledge and credence in the community. People know who I am and know I have too much to loose by being unsafe or scary. They are therefore willing to play with me.

My playing experience has come from being a sub who could take a lot of pain, who experienced a lot on the bottom, and who experienced a lot of casual play as well as some long term bonding. I know pain inside and out and I know what it is like to be sub as well as a play bottom. I was blessed to have learned how to dominate with a sub who had 20 years experience under his belt. He was not pretty, he was a lot older than me and it was meant to be a play only relationship. That developed into a very intense loving S/m relationship. He has since passed over, but I have him to thank for being the strong, confident, experienced dominant that is writing to you now.

Good luck on your journey.

WW ;-)

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