This poem by Marewa Glover struck a chord about my own experience of BDSM. Marewa is a researcher and Takatapui (Maori queer). She writes an interesting chapter about her experiences of being Takatapui, including choosing BDSM as her sexuality rather than lesbian as she previously did; and how BDSM has respectful, equitable relationships. The poem is set out as in the book including ‘&’ instead of ‘and’.
Negotiating
finally doing it right
laying it all out
drawing boundaries
starting as we mean to continue
getting to know each other first
before the heart is stabbed through by surprise
revealing our guts & greed
risking rejection before even a kiss
securing a commitment to preserve the other
we agree not to hurt
before we even know if we would ever want to
do we manufacture love by contracting?
or just seek to experience it
create a dome within which
it is safe to bare heart to knife
skin to fire
eyes to truth
ears to the groans & grunts of lust
it maybe a self-defence
but if it allows us to believe
it allows us to unlock the deepest safe
wherein rests a fortune
beyond our imagining
& I am a treasure seeker
are you?
Glover M, (2007). Eroticising equality, coming to power. In C. Aspin and J Hutchings (Ed.s.) Sexuality and the stories of Indigenous People, p.56. Wellington, Aotearoa / New Zealand. Huia Publishers.
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